Wednesday, September 16, 2015

If you give a bride-to-be a cookie...

I got to bring home my wedding dress last night (I paid for it in December; so I think this is the longest I've ever had to wait to get something in my physical possession that I paid for), and as I got in bed I realized just how "real" having the dress in the house with me made me feel. And then I remembered how many things I feel like I still "have" to finish for the wedding (spoiler: there are really not many but I feel like there are). And how excited I am for the wedding being so soon. But how nervous I am about the wedding being so soon.

It dawned on me that I feel like someone gave me one of these emotions magnets - but I need more than one of the squares to go around how I'm feeling right now (ok, maybe I need a LOT of square magnets). Here's a break down:

Exhausted: I just got back late Sunday night from my bachelorette party (woo, Ensenada!) with only minor injuries (one leg bruise for me, and one for a MOH).
Confused: Wait, what do you mean there's only 17 days until the wedding!?!?!
Ecstatic: I can't wait to enter this next stage of our lives together.
Guilty: Sure, it sounded great over Labor Day Weekend to spend the time relaxing and basically doing nothing, then suddenly on my way to work that Tuesday morning it hit me that I probably should have been using that time more productively.
Suspicious: I'm still not convinced everything will happen that needs to happen in the next 16 days.
Angry: I left my ring here in AZ when I went on the cruise, and was so excited to get it back on Sunday night. Then I went to the jeweler on Monday afternoon and he needed to keep it for a few days to finish up my wedding band. I just want it back where it belongs for good!
Hysterical: See "Confused"
Frustrated: Picking a first dance song for me and C is complicated! I don't want it to be: too sappy, too long, or too modern. I'm a lyrics-leaning person when it comes to music so it's hard for me to get past any part of lyrics in a song that I don't think "fit." 
Sad: One of my uncles just started having some scary health problems which means he probably won't be able to attend the wedding. I've also known for years now that my grandmother wouldn't be able to come to my wedding due to her health, but it's much more real now. C's paternal grandparents won't be able to travel from Florida either.
Confident: I got to pick up my dress yesterday, and it fits exactly right and I feel pretty amazing in it.
Embarrassed: I don't do well with a lot of "all eyes on me" attention, so I'm anticipating embarrassment at the wedding itself.
Happy: See "Ecstatic"
Mischievous: There are few things that I enjoy more than picking gifts for people. I have a few up my sleeve for our parents and am feeling very sneaky about them.
Disgusted: Not really this one.
Frightened: There are so many things that could go wrong the day of, it's scary.
Enraged: At
Ashamed: Ok, not so much this one.
Cautious: Cautiously optimistic that things will be ready in time for the big day.
Smug: Honestly, I don't think I've ever felt smug in my life. Especially not now.
Depressed: Definitely not.
Overwhelmed: Ohhhhhhh yes. I feel overwhelmed, and then that leads to me feeling overwhelmed about feelings. This is a vicious cycle.
Hopeful: I have high hopes about everything being "perfect" (or perfect for us) on the day-of.
Lonely: I was "lonely" on the cruise - I missed C (and he missed me so much he went on Facebook!). But I had some of my very best friends there with me so that offset the loneliness.
Lovestruck: Hearing C describe how he was so lonely and missed me while I was gone was a very lovey-dovey moment for us.
Jealous: Only of people who are getting to sleep faster than me at night :-p
Bored: Definitely not. Wait, scratch that. Bored out of my mind when it's midnight and I can't fall asleep.
Surprised: To find that I couldn't fall asleep again last night (are we sensing a theme here???).
Anxious: Anxiety is very contradictory for me; I'm anxious for the big day but also wanting time to stretch out just a little bit more.
Shocked: I know a lot of these overlap, but I'm also shocked about how fast time has gone (lump this in with Anxious, Suspicious and more).
Shy: I'm shy about the idea of everyone watching me dance - twice!

So there you have it - my long-winded and often repetitive list of emotions of a soon-to-be bride. Check back in about 3-4 weeks for (maybe) the long-winded list of emotions of a recent bride. I promise I'm going to try to blog regularly-ish, if not just for me, but for the sake of C's ears so he doesn't have to listen to me ramble on all the time.